Flash Fiction – Unloved

This is my first attempt at dabbling into fictional writing. I’m open to critiques

So here we go


Photo Credit: google

The well stuffed leather cushion and the black slender noisy gadget with a screened face  hanged on the cream painted wall have understood and embrace the daily routine

Daddy would arrive home early to be mesmerized by the allure of  the black box vision while it volume is geared up, maybe dad has hearing problem

Mum in her incredulous fashion always almost never come back home later than five and that’s the ritual no matter what

I do come home, my mind yearning escape from the fearsome bullies, poke nosing cum annoying teachers and my feet hurting from trekking the blazing railway track under the unfriendly heat of the day

Slumped shoulder from the ever weighty backpack, uniform gummed to sweaty skin, dry thirsty throat, a wobble leg trying hard not to crumble

I walk the door hoping a to get a welcoming and soothing embrace from ma, perhaps a smile and understanding nod from pa.

Its a lost cause, home felt cold. A turkey wouldn’t feel worse

I begins to ponder and then in desperation begin to pray up for God to please turn me to the black slender box my parent are glued to from afternoon to late at night

I am not feeling the sense of belonging here, maybe I was not important but my friends often comment how important and affectionate their parents treat them

I didn’t believe their stories much but the glow in their eyes and blushing cheek disintegrate my doubts,  putting me in check, silently mocking my predicament

The Art teacher gave us an assignment today. A story that reflect our dreams for the future.

After the class, I ran out to the back of the class. Tears flowing like a river, I could see boats and seas amidst.

Here I am at home, nobody cares except for the good food, clothes and books.

My ultimate dream is to become a TV. I’m jealous of the way it is being laughed at, the way it is being paid attention to with intense focus, the intense adoration it is getting , the unwavering devotion.

That’s what I am going to write about I mused

Immediately I came in from school today, ma ran and  held me so tight. Tears streaming down her cheek.

Is anyone dead?, I silently inquire

This is unusual

Dad was stroking his imaginary beard, he was remorseful too. He came to hug both us. It was beautiful!

I believe its a new dawn and  I notice later on as the weeks went by, the TV wasn’t interesting to them as much as me.

I am loved. I feel valued



8 thoughts on “Flash Fiction – Unloved

  1. Jane says:

    Your mode of describing everything in this paragraph is really pleasant, every one be capable of without difficulty know it,
    Thanks a lot.


  2. Nedoux says:

    Awww, so heartwarming. It’s sad when parents neglect their children, material things cannot give a child the affection that it deserves. I’m glad this had a happy ending.

    “black slender noisy gadget with a screened face” is such a sexy way to describe a television. Lol

    @” Its a lost cause, home felt cold. A turkey wouldn’t feel worse” Brilliant word play – Cold Turkey? Very nice.

    Well-written Immanuel, you have a very creative mind. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • D'Dream says:

      Hi toks,

      Lol, yeah really this my first. Fictitious writing is just not my strong point but with all these encouragements from you guys, I will try to keep it coming

      Thanks for coming around

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yemie says:

    Great attempt at fictitious writing I’d day the D’Dream! This beautiful tale gives off a pretty feel-good type-feel! ‘Tis very deep, exhilirating and filled with life…zesty! The plot’s tight and agreeable…its embedded in real life lessons! I’d however implore that you pay careful attention to Grammatical Formation and Sentence Building; especially in relation to the use of tenses! Other than these, you’ve gotten more than what it takes to make a beyond fine fictional writer! Way to go Boy, you brought this! 😎 Lets have some more if you will Sir! 😁

    Liked by 3 people

    • D'Dream says:

      Awww! Thanks maam . My head iyaff started rising, lol.
      Thanks for your honest critique and feedback, honestly and sincerely appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

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