So the other day, Bae and I were out on one of our routine outings when one of his friends spotted us. After the usual greetings, Bae’s Friend nudged Bae in the tummy and asked slyly,
“Guy, introduce us na. Abi you’re scared I’ll steal her?”
I giggled lightly and waited for the introductions, I was expecting him to glowingly introduce me as his girlfriend or even ‘babe’ and maybe throw an arm around me while I leaned into him.
Bae, instead, shrugged his shoulders(yes, he shrugged) and said,
“Steal her ke? This is a good friend of mine and she’s absolutely lovely. We just came out to enjoy the evening.”
So smoothly delivered was his response that even I believed it. Hours later, when my mind wandered back to his words, I couldn’t even find it in myself to be angry.
After all, we never really became ‘official’, abi?
So, dear girls, please what is this official and unofficial business and why is it breaking the hearts of millions of us?
As an official girlfriend, his friends and family know you. Sometimes, the guy’s Mummy allows you cook at home for her. You’re the one everyone calls Iyawo wa* and when they tease you guys about the wedding and your future kids, he grins along with you and tells them jokingly to mind their business.
And the unofficial one? You’re the one he uses to relax while he takes a break from dating. You both like each other,yes. You may have even been going on routine outings like Bae and I. But nobody knows you and you certainly can’t cook for his mum.
In fact, when your friends ask you about ‘Bae’, there’s a teasing glint in their eyes, as if they know that there really is nothing going on between you guys.
“We’re taking things slow.” or “We don’t have a label, but we’re kinda together, you get shey?” are your favourite lines.
And if you’re like me that finds herself in an ‘unofficial’ or ‘no-labelled’ relationship, here’s a few tips for you:
1. Never expect him to introduce you as his girlfriend. Yes, he called you “my girlfriend” over the phone last night but he will not call you that in front of his friends. He’ll introduce you as one of the gang (ouch! Does that hurts?!) to his friends and you are expected to leave it at that. No sulking or grumbling in your head. Just smile as a good girl
2. Don’t expect him to constantly use you as his profile picture or DP, not even if you guys have taken a million selfies together. Those selfies are taken to later look at in the privacy of your room not for him to start answering questions on. Using you as his DP when its not your birthday or a milestone achievement in your life will lead people to start getting ideas he can’t entertain.
3. Always remember, you signed up for this. So, don’t refuse to reply his messages because his female best friend has been his display picture for the last couple of days. You really have no right, not yet. Her position is certainly more highly ranked than you are, sweetie.
4. And finally, if he ever does call you his girlfriend in front of his best buddies, think of it as a mistake and just laugh. Don’t let it get into your head. He most likely did it to get a view into your dreams and see if he needs to cut ties off ASAP.
5. WAIT FOR HIM TO ASK YOU OUT FIRST! Do not, under any circumstance, assume you guys have atomatically moved to the ‘couple level’. No honey, you haven’t until he states it clearly – in actions AND words.
So to my baby girls, we’re in this together. And one day, his eyes are going to be wide open and he’ll finally see all he’s been missing by not making you his – OFFICIALLY.
But till then,
Have you been in such instances, how did you handle it? Or He finally make it official? Can’t wait to read them in the comment boz, don’t be shy
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