#Writing · Poem · Spiritual

BURNOUT

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When I was younger  perhaps a twain dozen and four
Your fire, my love for your presence was a rage
Coveting your presence more than my daily bread
I do wake up with  a song in my heart from a beautiful smile
We do share joke and then I realize most days I woke up smiling
We do share secrets and communication was inhibited
At every given turn, your love and presence was evident




Smiling became my second nature, you refreshes my soul
I had no care in the world, we sang together in unison of heartbeat
Thy word was a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path




I remembered curling up at the backyard just enjoying your presence
Your love letters spread on my hand, such a delight I couldn’t get enough of
Which reminds me of an incident when your earthly parent were looking for you
They’d look around for me too, I feel connected in a way and I do like to give them a reply as you did
Which I never did, I just stare at them. Not speaking a word but angry at the disruption of our communion
Our communion, a heavenly bliss
I was careful not to grieve you in any way




I remembered my prayer life was vibrant, I was a bright halogen lamp
Church was a bonus for I was truly your disciple 7 days a week
And I do repent instantly I realized you weren’t please with my action
Hope, peace and your joy flood like my heart to overflow
I was in love  with you even though you first love me
But I was willing to try my best to reciprocate
I’d try, I believe I tried




But then something happened, I simply can’t recollect
Maybe because of the unanswered prayers, or perhaps the unfulfilled promises
I had actually being close because I have being seeking the gifts and not the giver of the gifts
I became offended; I was tricked into believing I could do without you
My heart sync with your presence became undesirable
Reading your love letter became an inconvenient chore
My love for you chilled below minus a hundred deep down
Dark cloud of Doubt began playing double checker inhibited on my mind; a wolf cry
I became withdrawn to your presence without an inkling of notice
My smiling demeanor changed, I became a licensed grumbler and worrier




I could tell a lie without blinking, my conscience seared with  a hot iron
Foul and unwholesome talks became order of the day
I blindly allow myself being led by the world and its disguise enticements
You’d try to draw me back but I wouldn’t listen, I just had to have my way




Preacher man, help me I pray sometimes; a heartfelt cry i screamed
But now here I am with my bag and luggage of shame
Little things irritates me these days, a shadow of my happy self
Oh please don’t drive me away cos I have lost t my way; the way, your way
I do sobs many night when sleep eludes me




Just yesterday that looks like everyday
I had it all but now it’s all gone, where are you? Where can I find you?
Lord I am tired of repenting over and over and over again
I have had myself spent emotionally, physically and spiritually



I have no energy to bring myself out of this mess, I am burn out


Send your fire, spread your love abroad my heart once more
Make a way lord, a  forceful innocent spring in the desert
Send your rain afresh, for I still have the faith that you are the God of second chance
And perhaps a third or fourth chance if I am no more eligible for the second chance
To deliver me from this strong cords that tangle me at every turns
O my redeemer! Turn me not away from your presence
with a surrendered hands and heart
I am standing close to the door, just a faint wisp of your knock and I will open
Renew me, restore me, refine me, and rebuild me for I am ready now


© D’Dream 2016. All Rights Reserved

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12 thoughts on “BURNOUT

    1. Exactly! Actually I wrote this poem about six months away from now. It was an expression of what i felt at that point in my life.

      Thanks for your insightful comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This is amazing…I can relate to this from having a deep love for God to feeling kinda lukewarm and finally just falling off and then feeling lost and searching for happiness in the wrong places and then finally coming back to God like the prodigal son…This is really awesome…thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That was me several years ago, lol. I was just reminiscing about where I am now in comparison with the past.
      Thanks for the comment. I believe everyone of us christian has probably been there, done that but tore the TShirt

      Liked by 2 people

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