Life · Spiritual

Messed up but Scared to go back Home


Hello beautiful people!

So today, we are going back to my favorite section, the Love diaries. God’s love pass watintin o. rubs my tummy like winnie the pooh that loves honey. Hehe.

Okay, so let’s get serious.

As for today’s topic, I believe this happens even to the best of us. Maybe not to you but I remember being in these shoes many times. I remember doing or saying something wrong and wondering why I did it and kept beating myself over it. And if I allowed the guilt linger, it would take days and I would still feel that way. I would  scared to go to God because I would be like, ‘I knew what I was doing was wrong and yet I still did it anyway’

And so God will raise an eyebrow to look at me or probably have soaked my koboko somewhere.

The good news is, if you feel guilt over your wrong-doing, you still have a heart and you haven’t seared it with a hot iron.-1Tim4v2

The bad news is when you keep brooding over it, you would become scared to talk to God or repent because you believe you’ll just go back to it so what’s the point. Soon, you won’t care anymore and just go ‘what the heck’ I can’t help it. This life is just too hard and I’ve been trying my best.

Well here’s what you need to do. You need to dust yourself up from the floor, run back to God and allow the Holy Spirit wipe away the feelings of guilt.

He has given you His righteousness because you don’t have any of your own! Stop trying but instead walk in His love. Release yourself and let Him lead. His word says we have an advocate already-1Jn2v1

I’ve received a couple of emails of young women who are scared or tired of running back to God because they just feel ‘there’s no point.’ Especially after engaging in things like masturbation or porn. Some maybe think God is one bearded guy in the sky with fumes coming out from His nose waiting to whip you with koboko or taunt you that ‘ You will you ever change! Look at you!’

And so after these feelings of guilt, you allow yourself wallow in it and just give up.

Stop it! You need to stop having these ideas about God in your head.

Listen to me. God loves you. He’s crazy about you. It’s like you don’t understand this love. Let me explain it in the best way I can.

This same God who came to take your place on a rugged cross is the beginning and the end. He saw all of you, He saw all that you were capable of. He knew that you would fall and come back to Him. He knew that it would take you time to find your way back to His arms.

But He came still.

See, this is someone who saw all the things you could do and still came for you. He didn’t look at your future and shake his head that ‘Hmmn, this one is not even serious, me I cannot come and die for these people that can’t get it right immediately.’

God is not like you! He’s not a man. He doesn’t think like a man. As the heavens are far from the earth, so are His thoughts from your thoughts and His ways from your ways. Stop thinking He doesn’t want you. Accept His scolding and also accept His comfort.


Your rod and staff comfort me-Psalm 23:4

And so, I remember feeling guilty over something that happened to me weeks ago. I just didn’t know what to do. You know when you feel like you’ve gone so far with God to start falling His hand.

And then you fall his hand yakata…lmao

And I remembered my journal and reached for it. I had been in bed thinking about my life, thinking about what God would say and how I can’t even go to Him when the journal where I had written my love notes and my conversation with Him when we spend time together.

And I wrote what I had done. I told him I don’t know why I did it but I knew it was wrong and I really need Him to help me because I’m coming to realize that I cannot do these things on my own. Maybe I thought I could.

But I just can’t.

And so everytime any form of temptation comes again or I’m about to get carried away, I just tell Him immediately.

“Ah Daddy, please you need to help me. I need you badly. I’m beginning to enjoy you more than sin and I don’t want to lose what we have. I don’t want to waste it away on the way my flesh feels. I can’t do this on my own and so I need you.”

And it doesn’t take minutes and it’s gone. It’s like He just gives me strength from no where and the temptation to yield to the flesh suddenly loses taste.

Dont form for God. Don’t be afraid to call out His name and ask Him to help you.

You need to remember the power He has given you over sin through Jesus Christ. So run to His word. Have the word of God in you in order to fill yourself up. Yes God will help you, but you can only be replenished by the water of His word in You. If you’re lacking in the word, then you might find it hard to receive strength as well. God gives grace, but you need to feed your soul as the Bible teaches.

Have you ever imagined if Satan came to Jesus and Jesus was wondering what to tell Him? No bible verse, nothing.

Thank God we read a different story today.

God gives clean slates. Stop thinking your sin is piled up somewhere. You’re not Belshazzar where God wrote on the wall Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin to remind you of what your sins weigh and how you’re found wanting-Daniel 5v26

No. Jesus, the perfect lamb of God,- God Himself has taken your place, the wrath and judgement that was meant to fall on your head and on my head and has placed everything on the head of His son. Jesus became a curse for you by hanging on a cross. He made Him who knew no sin to become sin for you. God of the Universe being mocked and spread in public because of me and you. Ah, that kind of grace is expensive o.

Use it wisely. Stop cowering in your sin. For the perfect lamb of God has atoned for it. So run to Him, keep running till He builds you up and you become like the wise man who built his house on the rock. When the storms came, he could not fall, because He had been rooted into God.-Matt 7v25. You will be like the trees planted by the rivers of water.

Much love. xo!

P.S: Don’t forget to share.




2 thoughts on “Messed up but Scared to go back Home

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