Life · Relationship

African Cherry Test for Mrs Right

 

Hi friends, how was your day? Guess it was awesome. 

Today’s valentine day, A day assigned for the celebration of love they say. I just felt we ought to celebrate our loved ones everyday instead assigning a day globally for such ……….. oh well what do I know since it seems every day is assigned to celebrate one thing or the other, some days are also to create awareness about social and health issues but sadly even some ridiculous things has dates and days set apart for them too.
Looking ahead
This piece is actually written for guys🙅.

Please ladies thou shall not peek into this write up biko! 😁. If by chance you have already started reading this, shift, quickly skip this post and check other article like this one – Things only singles will understand.

However if you decides to feed your curiosity potenti – o – meter, you are O.Y.O (on your own)

So here it goes

So you have decide to take that sweet beautiful Paulina out on a date bro but you are not too sure if she is really the Mrs Right you have dreamt of since your kindergarten days! It’s February the love month. Especially after you have been able to overcome most of what is written in this post – The 20 Attitudes of those who are single for too long.

I congratulate you brother.

Relax bro! I have perfected a simple test that is sure to put your mind at ease.

Find somewhere alone before. you start reading, please no distraction and I repeat no distraction! Look to your right  now and left just like you want to cross Oshodi Expressway.

You are still staring at the phone screen Oga. I said take a good cadastral survey of your surrounding. Have you done that? Good, now the coast is clear.

If you are currently chatting with her,excuse yourself and put your phone in Airplane Mode. This is a serious matter considering the mean  lullabies  momma, friends and  ‘aproko’ peeps have been singing to your ears lately

Let’s ROLL!

 

So you see The Udara (agbalumo) fruit is a popular fruit that blooms during the dry season in Nigeria. During the December – April peak season, you can see it everywhere you go to (depicting the MTN catching slogan – Everywhere you go. even though we know it is not true); At street corners, in market stalls, in traffic holdups hawked by street hawkers, in residential houses etc. To avoid confusion, I am talking about the small roundish shaped fruit with yellowish to reddish-brown colouration botanically referred to asChrysophyllum albidum (YES, i had to ‘googled’ the botanical name for your easy identification)

Udara is very popular with and cherished by the ladies. They are the major consumers of this fruit. If I am lying, just ask them

Generally there are two major types of agbalumo/udara/African cherry

(1)The sweet variety

(2) The sour variety.

Let’s conduct this simple test.

Guys, you should conduct this test by buying the agbalumo fruit for your girlfriend/fiancée and sit back to watch how she consumes it. Just keep an eye and observe keenly her reactions whenever you see her eating the fruit. It is preferable that you give her the fruit yourself so as to have control over the test process. Open your eyes and observe carefully.

You can always tell the character traits of an individual by his/her eating mannerism. That is the foundational theory behind this test.

Experiment 1 , Stage 1

Give her the sweet Udara variety

Her first action will be to remove the tiny stalk that serves as the fruit cap/seal. She will then squeeze the body of the fruit, sucking the juice and fleshy fruit pulp into her mouth.

-If she licks her lips ; remarks on how sweet the fruit tastes, it shows that she is a good-natured lady who will pay you compliments as at and when due. This means she will live peaceably with you, your friends and relations.

How does she utilize the seed of the fruit?

You know, agbalumo seeds are enveloped in a thin mucous membrane that is meant to be removed by the combined action of the teeth & the tongue.

-If she swallows all the seeds alongside with the membrane, bro you need to watch it! This means she will swallow all your money if you marry her!

This is the type of woman who does not know when to stop.  If you take her out for a little shopping she will buy up everything in the mall burning big holes in your pocket, leaving you stranded in the shopping mall.

The edible fruit pulp of the Udara sweet variety is delicious and can be chewed and swallowed with ease. Watch her hands, if she turns the fruit inside out and uses her teeth to scrape off all the pulp sticking to the peel, bro run away from her! She will be a compulsive consumer in your marriage. She will use one day to finish one pot of soup.

If she passes the sweet variety test, my brother you can heave a sigh of relief but before you bring out the ring to pop the question, just chill a bit and conduct the sour variety test because it is not yet Uhuru.

This should be done few hours after the first test or on a different day.

 

Experiment 1, Stage 2

Give her the sour tasting variety.

Let it be the very sour type; the type that makes you feel like you’ve received a slap on your cheeks immediately the juice touches your tongue.  Watch her as she eats it.

If she gives the typical knee jerk reaction by squeezing her face, exclaiming and throwing away the fruit the moment the juice touches her tongue it means either of two things:

– She is a frank , outspoken woman. This could be a cause for concern for you later if you go ahead to marry her. Never let her catch you with any woman in a compromising situation because if she does so, you will experience the truth in the saying; “hell hath no fury than a woman scorned”.

– It could also mean that she does not have the spirit of perseverance. She will lose faith in the marriage at the first sign of hardship. She won’t be a loyal wife, the kind of woman that will run away from the home when you are broke.

However if she does not throw away the fruit but keeps on munching on it slowly in spite of the sour taste, clap for yourself  because you have found yourself a keeper!; A woman who will not flinch when you experience hard times. She will endure the difficult times with you.

As she keeps on eating watch her facial features. If she chews the fleshy pulp to the point where it undergoes transformation and becomes a chewing gum, Bro please put the ring on her finger!! This shows that she will be a creative wife, she will stick with you and work things out together with you transforming the sour times into pleasant outcomes.

That will be all for now.

I know you will now be looking at the ordinary agbalumo fruit in a different light.

Disclaimer: This piece has not been scientifically, biologically or socially proven to be 100% right. It was written under the influence of a sweet udara fruit plucked from the big Udara tree at Eka Udo’s backyard. and this article is purely for entertainment purpose, readers discretion is advised

Ladies, chill, when I returns from vacation in Siberia, I will give you tips on how to find out if that guy you are ‘eyeing’ ( or both of you are ‘eyeing’ each other) is a husband material.

#agbalumo (African cherry)

 

THE DREAM BLOG (2017). ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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30 thoughts on “African Cherry Test for Mrs Right

  1. How about the way we eat the ones we buy ourselves. Lol. Does that count? And yes I had to peek once you said it was for men only.
    Funny post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol. Here’s the first problem: You can’t say this post isn’t for the ladies and expect us to ignore it. Curiosity won’t let us “waka pass”.

    It was a good read tho, I couldn’t stop laughing.. Just for fun sake, I’d start watching keenly when people eat Udara

    Like

  3. Hi Immanuel,

    Ah! I almost fainted with laughter reading this. XD XD XD

    I chose to ignore the warning at the beginning and I took a peek inside this post at my own risk. You wrote this so beautifully, excellent mix of humour and wit.

    Agbalumo is so acidic, the taste of the juice sometimes feels like a physical slap. Lol

    I love how you advised the tester to wait for a few hours on the next day after the sweet test before conducting the sour test. Excellent tip, so that the results will not be biased or compromised in any way. Lol

    We await your return from Siberia.

    Well written!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Maami for the awesome comments. Awww! See the way I’m hugging my umbrella 😁 . Your comments – They always made my day!

      Still currently enjoying my vacation in Siberia though.

      Have a lovely day ma’am

      Liked by 1 person

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